Guest List Etiquette
We are often asked during the course of our work what the correct etiquette is for certain points involving wedding guests and wedding invitations. Whilst certain points are a matter of opinion or are culturally based, there are some things that are just plain good etiquette or not.
Should invitations be sent to satisfy social or business obligations?
Absolutely not! Weddings are sacred ceremonies and the only people that should be invited are those who you truly want to be there. That goes for extended family members and business associates. You are not obliged to invite anyone!
Should children be invited?
Generally speaking, children under teen age will require special treatment at a wedding. If you are not prepared to cater for them by having special meals, a play area and babysitters, it is best not to invite them. It may be wise to assess things based on your family situation. If you are inviting children that are part of your family, it may be best to invite others' children so that they have some play mates at the reception. The best practice is to include children's names on the invitations when they are sent out, if they are invited. As a general rule, teenage children should receive their own invitation even if they live at the same address as their invited parents. If you do not wish children to attend, simply do not list their names on the invitations. After all, all invitees should have their name appearing somewhere on a written invitation. Guests who are in any doubt, should contact the bride for confirmation.
Do we have to invite single guests 'and friend'?
If you have a lot of single friends it may be important to know how to tackle this one, if only for catering purposes. It is not essential to allow single people to bring a 'date'. Hopefully you know your guests well enough to know if they are seeing someone 'special' at the time of the invitation. Perhaps you should enquire. If they are, then you should invite them, if not, just invite your friend. However you do it, it should be obvious by the invitation sent.
Can we have separate guest lists for the ceremony and reception?
Yes! Simply provide the ceremony details on the invitations and include a separate card detailing the reception for those who are invited to both.
Why order more invitations than we need?
The trick is not to order more than you need. However, most couples end up forgetting someone or they suddenly become closer to certain friends whom they were not going to invite originally, or parents insist on inviting someone you had forgotten existed. There are literally hundreds of ways that your guest list will get one or two more invitees at the last moment. It can be expensive to get one or two or even ten extras made, and some stationers won't do less than a certain amount, even for re-orders, so it's best just to get a few extras to start. At worst case you'll have a pristine copy to add to your wedding album.
What about a back-up list in case we receive too many notices of decline?
It's up to you, but there may be more pitfalls than benefits. Imagine how you'd feel if you found out you were only invited because someone else couldn't make it! These lists can be the end of many friendships. Also, consider the timing in sending out second-place invitations. By the time you know that your first choices can't make it, you won't be able to give appropriate notice to those you're now inviting.
